so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
