Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
