im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
