Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
