she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
