he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Vodka?
Forever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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