So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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