New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Two words: nipple clamps
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