The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So vagazzling was a success
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
