Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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