how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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