We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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