what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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