i think my tv is drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
