you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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