I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
