Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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