i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
