Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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