I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
