new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
