There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
