Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
