I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
