my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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