oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
