Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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