I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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