I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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