you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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