This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
