Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
