No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
