I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
