my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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