Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
