i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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