Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize