I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
