sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My ATM looks so different sober.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
