I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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