youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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