Betty ford says i'm here all night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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