Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
