I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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