my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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