We got so high we made milksteak
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
