haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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