Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
