i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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