Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
