I want to stick my p in your. b.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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