wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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