I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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