I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
