Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
