A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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