Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
