i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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