Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
