happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
