Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
