I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
