I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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