she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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