Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
