yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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